MATCHING & CALIBRATION
We often talk about “chemistry” “love at first sight” and “people that transmit good vibes”, however till what extent is this true?
The answer is simple and traduced into two words that constitute two fundamental techniques widely used in Neuro Linguistic Programming.
Roman Price said " If you are still looking for that person that will change your life, look in the mirror".
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Mirroring is the art of copying another person’s behaviour, as if you were the mere reflection of their movements, of their thoughts, believes and values.
Matching or Calibration, on the other hand is the "strategy", the way in which an individual builds a time-lag to apply Mirroring.
Matching
External Cues
FACIAL EXPRESSION: We have 53 facial muscles that reveal our inner-self and feelings. A good tip to create a connection is to do eye contact with the person you are trying to communicate.
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POSTURE: Allan Pease in between other non verbal communication specialists, reinforce the idea of mirroring and analyzing people's body language, since it helps you understand more about him/her.
<<Examples: Is your client sitting, standing, relaxing or slouching? Are her legs or arms crossed? Is she leaning in any particular direction? Are her feet together or apart? Is she holding anything, such as a pen or cup of coffee? If your client crosses his legs or places his hands on a table, wait for 4-5 seconds, then match that in the same way. The same applies to shifting to another position, hand placement, etc. Observe how your client moves. If he or she moves quickly and you move slowly, your patterns are out of sync. Speed yourself up just a bit or slow down until you’re both comfortable with one another.>>
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GESTURE: People often use gestures along with posture to give insight on how they categorize their experiences. Tics are a clear example of past experiences that lead to that automatic and persistente gesture or move. People need understanding, therefore, mirror the gestures of the person you’re listening to... You will truly become a figure of trust!
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PROXIMITY: When talking about proximity, we refer to the distance established in a conversation between 2 or more individuals.
Keep a security distance, don't talk people too close in negotiations cause they will feel attacked.
When you violate people's vital space they tend to mistrust you, and they percieve you as a weird person.
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TOUCH: TTouch is an important cue, it transmits a lot aut the person you are facing. So, remember:
- When shaking hands do it tightly, this will confirm your self-confidence and will transmit the receptor trust towards you.
- Avoid excessive touching, people that continously establish contact though touch are denominated as "touchy" in a negative way. We conciously avoid this type of people cause they invade our intimacy and our vital space.
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LEVELS: Promote the practice of levels, never positon yourself above someone or beyond him/ her but at the same level.
This will ameliorate your connection! Chemistry, confidence and trust is erected through feelings of equality.
Matching
Vocal Patterns
&
Language Cues
SPEECH RATE: It is the reflection of our energy, and the “vibe” we transmit others. Speech Rate is strictly related to your energy level, it enhances alignment between individuals. Fast speakers will rise up your energy (and in excess, they will generate stress to others). On the other hand an extremely low rate speech will lower considerably you energy level.
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TONE AND INFLECTION: Tone, Rate and Volume in between others should be mirrored, but never be different to your own.
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TERMINOLOGY: This is another important Language Cue when having a conversation. It is easier to built rapport when using a similar terminology with the person you want to connect with. For example: if someone tells you:´´I am looking for a fantastic house´´, your answer should be, ´´I know about a fantastic house´´. If instead you answer: ´´ I know about a magnificent house´´, it might be the same for you but not for the one you are communicating with.
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TIPS!!
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​ Don't mirror everything because the persons you are talking to will uncomfortable.
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Change posture when you are going to speak, because speaking requires a change of physiology and no one will notice what you are doing.
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